


Like A Snake

by TheTimelessChild0



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Bed-Wetting, Desperation, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Nightmares, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22724413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: Their relationship was a Celestial Harmony. Beforeandafter.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 29





	1. Wriggling

The Almost-pocalypse came to a swift and elegant end. They were just enjoying a nice dinner with crepes, infinitely calmer, now that neither side were a concern. 

What  _ was _ a concern was what Crowley was doing underneath the table. The demon tended to play footsie, it was a nice variation from the basic manner of which his snake body whipped back and forth like a lasso. This evening, however, Crowley’s legs were not only moving  _ audibly _ , but also away from Aziraphale. 

“Is the table squeezing you, dear?” the angel asked. 

“No, just..feel like the chair’s getting smaller,” Crowley lied, adjusting himself in the chair, before quickly pressing down on his crossed legs. 

“Are you hurt?” Aziraphale frowned. 

“Mentally yes, we’ve discussed that ad nauseum..physically, not yet. Emphasis on yet,” the demon shrugged, and grabbed his wine glass, before stopping, looking around, then folding his arms in his lap. 

“What’s the matter. Tell me. You’ve worn my clothes. Can’t get any closer than that,” Aziraphale encouraged. 

“You angels always get the long end of the stick in books,” Crowley mumbled. 

“It’s always the same, smiling, wings, halo, even my boss got one in a Bible or two,” 

“Well, it’s hard to draw someone with your impeccable dress sense. How would they draw your eyes underneath those hideous frames?” the angel argued. 

“They could’ve given me more than just a stereotypical snake on page 3,” Crowley complained. 

“What exactly does this have to do with your agony?” 

The demon rolled his eyes. 

“Adam didn’t realise. What I was. He could see we were not human, but he..made assumptions,” Crowley’s cheeks were the colour of hellfire.

“He didn’t just return you back to your old form like he did with me?” the angel grew curious. 

“He knew how to build you. You’re an angel. He’s seen dozen of those. I’m just the snake. In  _ human form _ ,” AJ emphasised. 

“You’re saying, the Anti-Christ made you human?” 

Crowley nodded.

“Wine+kidneys=?” he challenged his celestial counterpart. 

The angel responded by putting a hand on Crowley. 

“Do you need me to miracle it away, darling?” he offered. 

“You’d have to remove the whole organ. Can’t do that with everything else I’ve got. Sure, my immortality remains, but it’d be..well painful,” Crowley politely declined. 

“Well..I’m sure this restaurant has facilities, it’s a very respectable establishment,” Aziraphale noted. 

“No” 

“You haven’t even looked,” he insisted.

“I did. Door on the right, that corridor,” Crowley pointed indifferently. 

“Alright, problem solved,” Zira smiled. 

“No”

The angel looked at the snake, confused. 

“I can’t,” Crowley muttered, absently stroking the tablecloth. 

“Why the heavens not?”

“It’s too late. I have to go too badly,” he attempted to explain. 

“Can you not get up?” 

“I can, but..when I’m really  _ relieved _ , my legs transform,” the demon admitted.

“Can you make it back to the bookshop?” 

“Not likely.” he sighed. 

“Just turn into a snake and do it under the table,” Aziraphale suggested. 

“Was there something funny in your powdered sugar, Angel?” Crowley raised an eyebrow in disbelief. 

“If they see you, all they see is a snake in the restaurant, no one would dare to upset a wild reptile. You won’t be able to move anywhere else, eventually,” he mentioned. “I don’t like to see you in this state,” Zira cooed. 

Cautiously removing both hands from his crotch, he slid gently of his chair and curled around the foot of the table. His tail flung around as he resisted. 

Aziraphale picked up a bottle of wine, and poured the little remains of liquid left into his empty glass. The noise was heard well directly underneath the table. 

Crowley hissed, feeling temporarily betrayed. Another betrayal came as he hissed again, slowly and surely, from the edge of the carpet. 

The hissing continued until the demon was finally empty. The tail of the snake disappeared, which told Aziraphale to check on him. 

Crowley was vigorously shivering, both in relief and in shame. 

“It’s quite alright. What goes in must come out,” he reassured his friend, stroking his back and miracling the mess away. The Angel carried the Snake out of the restaurant and flew them both home in the moonlight. 


	2. Writhing

A Doctor would immediately worry about dehydration in an Amazonian serpent. Or one originating in Africa many millennia BC.

Aziraphale woke up to the sound of his ethereal companion whimpering. And worse, crying. 

Crowley batted his hands around, almost hitting his angel in the face, if it weren’t for his wings popping out instinctively.

“Crowley. You’re dreaming. Wake up. Oh, please wake up,” he begged. 

“All I ever did was ask questions,” Crowley whined. “Why’d they have to take it out on  _ him _ ?”

“Aziraphale!” he yelled, over and over. The demon writhed and writhed, grabbing with his hands at nothing. 

Aziraphale instantly grabbed at his snake, holding him close. 

“I’m here. I’m right here. Flesh and bone and very little else,” he whispered in Crowley’s ear. The squeezing helped accompany the soothing words. 

Crowley calmed down. Then he hissed. Aziraphale looked at his demon, but his mouth was closed. And yet, there was definitely something hissing. 

The angel peeked underneath the covers. Ah. 

It made sense, not just biologically. Crowley said there had been a  _ fire _ , humans tended to solve it by throwing water at it, smoke be damned. 

_ Sheets be damned. _

The typical post-piss shiver woke up Crowley. His first response was to grasp at the collar of his angel’s pyjamas, snuggling it with his nose, like a cat. 

“Is it cold in here?” he asked, yawning. 

“I find it quite warm actually,” Aziraphale answered quickly, pulling the covers closer, in the hopes of hiding what had happened. 

The act only increased Crowley’s attention to what was on top of his legs. And between them. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! Shit, I’m so sorry angel, I don’t..that never happened before..for a few centuries at least..” he attempted to apologise. 

“It’s completely alright, see?” Aziraphale assured him, waving away the mess. 

Crowley resumed his shivering. He curled up in a ball, becoming a snake, both head and tail turned away from his angel. 

Aziraphale attempted to hug him, but his attempt was answered with the snake flopping around, trying to slither off the bed. The angel grabbed the middle of him, stroking it, while Crowley just kept writhing and shivering. This continued in his human form until Aziraphale managed to reach his eye, and wiped nonexistent tears away. 

The angel hugged Crowley closer, and curled his wings around him, providing heat, both physically and emotionally. 

“Heaven falls before you ever will,” Aziraphale whispered.

“That’ll serve Hastur. Maybe literally, there’s a lot of silkworms up there,” Crowley smirked. 

A single second passed before the snake’s eyes closed completely. In this second, Aziraphale could’ve sworn he saw a gleam in them, as if the eyes turned a bit extra gold, with true love. 

The End.


End file.
